Well, the big day is almost here. I have a few moments while I am waiting for a computer process to run at work to muse on some things.
First, this whole process has made me bipolar, I swear. Between learning how to make me and my world views fit into bride and wife roles and planning a gigantic ass party I have been all over the map these past few months. Some times I love it, other times I hate it, other times it is all sort of "meh". It can vary from hour to hour or day to day. I am ready for life to get back to normal and all of the pressures (mostly self-made) can be off. I never questioned my relatonship with Kevin but I have questioned the institution of marriage and the role of wife. I have figured out how to make bride and wife fit for me and I am close to not thinking of the word "wife" as a swear word anymore. Huge progress people.
I have also been made even more aware that there are two things that will set me off and get me out of balance and those are: being tired for multiple days and being hungry. I knew this about me before but these past few weeks have pounded that message home. The mood has been dark and negative and that isn't normal for me. I have been getting about 5-6 hours a night and for the last week, to fit into the damn dress, I haven't been eating much. This combination makes for one unhappy and bitchy Ann-Marie. Luckily we are almost done with tasks and we can head down to Portland tomorrow for some pre-wedding relaxation and SLEEP and I can get myself back to normal and enjoy the weekend. Up until this morning I wasn't excited, I just wanted it to be over with. I am now actually starting to feel excited and happy about our shindig. Finally feeling like I want to smile about it and am looking forward to it feels good. I still think if you are looking at the whole thing with an objective eye that weddings are kind of ridiculous but I will revel in the ridiculousness of it all this weekend.
Oh, and the dress fits again. I am down just over six pounds in a week. Hooray for quick water-weight loss!!!