Deep Weeds

Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.  I'm getting married in eleven days and ........I don't fit into my wedding dress.  Not just a "oh, it's a bit too tight" or "it's slightly uncomfortable" or "I bulge a little there".  It is a I CAN'T EVEN ZIP IT UP!  I CAN'T HOOK THE TOP EYE!  Excuse my vulgarity internet but I am fucked.

The damn thing fit when I picked it up from the alterations lady a month ago but there wasn't much room for error (i.e. porking out).  What did I do?  I gained 7.5 lbs since I had it measured and fit five weeks ago (only 5.5 lbs since I picked it up) .  Yes, thank you, that is mad weight gaining skills.  At least I have mad skills at something.  Stupid tiredness and stress.

The weight I was at when I was fitted was one of those tipping point weights where just a two pound weight gain means all of my clothes fit differently.  That might sound ridiculous but it is really true.  This means that the 7.5 lbs feels like an extra 15 and totally alters the way all my clothes fit. 

I am taking the dress into her today to have them whisk it away for pressing/steaming.  Maybe I can see if she can do something. I am guessing not since she took in fabric to fit it to me and that probably doesn't leave anything to let out.  My other tactic is to do something I HATE and that is crash diet.   I don't think they are safe or effective in the long-term but this is the short term and if I blimp right back up on May 15th I can deal with that the real way (proper diet and exercise) then.  In the meantime I am resorting to South Beach because I know I can drop some quick pounds that way and hopefully not have to go out and buy another MF-ing dress.