We all knew it would come eventually but nothing quite prepares you to hear that all treatment options for your Dad have been exhausted and there is nothing left to do. Even though I have thought this is how this would all turn out it still hit me in the gut when I got the phone call last week. The doctor says he has about two months.
Of course, as I tried to tell my Mom, doctor's are frequently wrong and two months doesn't necessarily mean two months. But then I realized that even if he has four months or six months it doesn't really change anything. He is dying and there isn't anything anybody can do about it.
I don't follow the female stereotype of the person who just wants to be a good listener. I will listen but then I will try to help find solutions. I like action. I like plans. I like to find ways to fix or change things. I like suggestions about what can be done next. And now there isn't any of that. We all just have to sit back and let things happen. Let the disease run its course and wait.
I also realize that in spite of what is going on, how truly lucky I am. So many people have lost their parents when they were much younger than I am. I am grateful that I had my parents in my life and that I have had them both for almost 39 years and that I will hopefully have my Mom around for many years to come. I am grateful that, although they can frustrate me to no end sometimes, I have a good relationship with them. I am also grateful that I can be by their sides and help them any way I can. I guess that is doing something.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Weekly Training Log - Week 5
Another good week. I love this time in training when you experience rapid, consistent improvement because you come from such slow speeds and short distance. Every run feels pretty good at this point and my speeds are picking up. Here is how the week played out.
Sunday - 5 miles while everybody else was watching the Super Bowl. It was very quiet out there. These miles felt strong and good. I actually had to remind myself to slow down so I wouldn't burn out before I got back to my car.
Monday - 3 miles at the lake.
Thursday - Yoga for one hour. I am really starting to get into this class. I definitely plan on keeping up with it after the session is done in four weeks. I also came home from yoga and ran on the treadmill for 3 miles.
Saturday - 4 miles on the treadmill. I got really excited watching Apollo Ohno skate and almost fell off the side of the dang thing while cheering him on. Nothing inspires you to have a good run like watching the Olympics.
Totals for the week: 15 miles; one yoga session. I never did any cross-training last week because I wanted to spend some time with my sweetie who finally came home after 25 days of mountain climbing (and wine tasting) but will try to get one session in this week.
Sunday - 5 miles while everybody else was watching the Super Bowl. It was very quiet out there. These miles felt strong and good. I actually had to remind myself to slow down so I wouldn't burn out before I got back to my car.
Monday - 3 miles at the lake.
Thursday - Yoga for one hour. I am really starting to get into this class. I definitely plan on keeping up with it after the session is done in four weeks. I also came home from yoga and ran on the treadmill for 3 miles.
Saturday - 4 miles on the treadmill. I got really excited watching Apollo Ohno skate and almost fell off the side of the dang thing while cheering him on. Nothing inspires you to have a good run like watching the Olympics.
Totals for the week: 15 miles; one yoga session. I never did any cross-training last week because I wanted to spend some time with my sweetie who finally came home after 25 days of mountain climbing (and wine tasting) but will try to get one session in this week.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
A Dark Day
Noooooooooo!!!! One of my favorite foods of all time is gone. Gone I tell you. NECCO has replaced their Sweethearts conversation hearts with tangy, fruity flavors. Flavors that suck!
The original chalky perfect goodness is no more. I LOVE candy hearts but NECCO has just ripped my heart out. I can't convey to you how much I love them. My heart leaps with joy when I see them in the stores. I can eat them until my tongue hurts. It is the only reason to look forward to February (the most hated month) and now they are gone.
I have to go somewhere and weep now.
The original chalky perfect goodness is no more. I LOVE candy hearts but NECCO has just ripped my heart out. I can't convey to you how much I love them. My heart leaps with joy when I see them in the stores. I can eat them until my tongue hurts. It is the only reason to look forward to February (the most hated month) and now they are gone.
I have to go somewhere and weep now.
Weekly Training Log - Week 4
A good week this was. Here are the stats.
Sunday - Ran 5 miles. I just downloaded the Garmin today and discovered that the last two miles were actually the fastest. I think I was in a hurry to get done and get back to the car.
Tuesday - I never thought I would say this but "thank you treadmill". Because of some family medical drama (everything is back to normal now) I missed my normal after work run but I still got home by 9:00. The problem was this was the season premiere of "Lost". If I didn't have the treadmill and the TV in the garage my run would have been completely forgotten. Instead I hopped on the treadmill and did 3 miles while having my mind further twisted into knots by that show.
Thursday - One hour yoga class. Stretchy, stretchy, good, good.
Friday - More later night running on the treadmill. 3 miles that seemed extra hard.
Saturday - Home after dark again but it was early enough that I figured I should be outside so I put on my reflective vest, grabbed my flashlight and got 3 in. I also almost tripped and fell flat on my face. A flashlight only works if you aim in on the ground consistently.
Total mileage: 14 miles.
This week starts "official" half-marathon training. I am using Hal Higdon's Intermediate plan but I am going to modify it a little bit. I am going to run four days a week and cross-train on one of the short run days. Of course, the days of the runs will have to be bounced around to accommodate my yoga class and different activities that come up. Eugene here I come!
Sunday - Ran 5 miles. I just downloaded the Garmin today and discovered that the last two miles were actually the fastest. I think I was in a hurry to get done and get back to the car.
Tuesday - I never thought I would say this but "thank you treadmill". Because of some family medical drama (everything is back to normal now) I missed my normal after work run but I still got home by 9:00. The problem was this was the season premiere of "Lost". If I didn't have the treadmill and the TV in the garage my run would have been completely forgotten. Instead I hopped on the treadmill and did 3 miles while having my mind further twisted into knots by that show.
Thursday - One hour yoga class. Stretchy, stretchy, good, good.
Friday - More later night running on the treadmill. 3 miles that seemed extra hard.
Saturday - Home after dark again but it was early enough that I figured I should be outside so I put on my reflective vest, grabbed my flashlight and got 3 in. I also almost tripped and fell flat on my face. A flashlight only works if you aim in on the ground consistently.
Total mileage: 14 miles.
This week starts "official" half-marathon training. I am using Hal Higdon's Intermediate plan but I am going to modify it a little bit. I am going to run four days a week and cross-train on one of the short run days. Of course, the days of the runs will have to be bounced around to accommodate my yoga class and different activities that come up. Eugene here I come!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Take A Load Off Annie*
Like many people, one of my recurring resolutions every year has been to lose weight. Over and over I say to myself that "this will be the year" and then it ends up not happening. I have lost weight in the past; in 2006 I was down about 25 lbs from my highest ever (at that time) weight so it hasn't been completely impossible but I haven't been able to go below that point or stop myself from blimping up again.
I have grown tired of not finding clothes that look good on me, of sitting with my arms folded not because I am cold or defensive but because I am trying to hide the roll of fat at my waist, of having some of my very best friends never knowing me as anything but a slightly faster moving Stay-Puft marshmallow woman, of running so much slower then I know I can go. So I made up my mind to get truly serious about weight loss this year.
I rejoined Weight Watchers on December 29th and it feels completely different this time. It is almost like a switch flipped in my head. I had done Weight Watchers in the past and knew how the program worked but I hadn't been able to replicate any success doing it at home. Taking the saying "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" to heart I had to change what I was doing and try something new. That something was embracing the program 100%.
Before, I never saw the point of meetings other then to weigh-in once a week. Now I really pay attention to what the leader is saying, what other people have experienced and recognize it for the once a week refocusing that it is meant to be. I read the materials and try to really apply the ideas to my life. I have happily swallowed the Weight Watcher's Kool-Aid (sugar-free of course). Instead of being shy and not speaking in meetings I try to contribute a little bit. Instead of thinking "I am a grown-ass woman! I do not need star stickers when I reach a goal!!"; I think that the "Bravo" stars are no different then getting a good grade on an assignment and I know how much I needed those so I say "Bring those stars on!" I track my foods religiously and aim to fill up on healthy filling foods instead of seeing how many points my crap food choices are.
How is this all working for me? So far, so good. Here are the numbers my friends (and the entire interwebs):
Starting Weight (12/29/09): 185 (the most hippo-esque I have ever been)**
Current Weight (02/03/10): 174.80
Pounds Lost: 10.2
I have grown tired of not finding clothes that look good on me, of sitting with my arms folded not because I am cold or defensive but because I am trying to hide the roll of fat at my waist, of having some of my very best friends never knowing me as anything but a slightly faster moving Stay-Puft marshmallow woman, of running so much slower then I know I can go. So I made up my mind to get truly serious about weight loss this year.
I rejoined Weight Watchers on December 29th and it feels completely different this time. It is almost like a switch flipped in my head. I had done Weight Watchers in the past and knew how the program worked but I hadn't been able to replicate any success doing it at home. Taking the saying "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" to heart I had to change what I was doing and try something new. That something was embracing the program 100%.
Before, I never saw the point of meetings other then to weigh-in once a week. Now I really pay attention to what the leader is saying, what other people have experienced and recognize it for the once a week refocusing that it is meant to be. I read the materials and try to really apply the ideas to my life. I have happily swallowed the Weight Watcher's Kool-Aid (sugar-free of course). Instead of being shy and not speaking in meetings I try to contribute a little bit. Instead of thinking "I am a grown-ass woman! I do not need star stickers when I reach a goal!!"; I think that the "Bravo" stars are no different then getting a good grade on an assignment and I know how much I needed those so I say "Bring those stars on!" I track my foods religiously and aim to fill up on healthy filling foods instead of seeing how many points my crap food choices are.
How is this all working for me? So far, so good. Here are the numbers my friends (and the entire interwebs):
Starting Weight (12/29/09): 185 (the most hippo-esque I have ever been)**
Current Weight (02/03/10): 174.80
Pounds Lost: 10.2
My ultimate weight goal at this point is 130 but I am keeping my resolution goal of losing 40 lbs this year. Forty is a reachable goal for a year, 55 is a bit of a stretch. I am now entering the harder pounds to lose so wish me luck.
*I know it is really "Take a load off Fanny" but this works better for my name and I really don't like the word "fanny" particularly once I learned what it means to the Brits.
**In my defense this was an evening, fully-dressed, lots of salty foods, hadn't dropped the kids off at the pool for a couple of days weight. That has to count for at least 10lbs., right? Or maybe I just shouldn't weigh in while wearing my chain mail underwear.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Weekly Training Log - Week 3
This was a pretty dang good week even if I missed my scheduled run on Saturday. Here is how it broke down.
Sunday - Three miles of suck around the neighborhood. At this point I still think it is a fueling issue.
Tuesday - Three more miles of suck at the lake. Why is this so hard lately? Arrggh!
Wednesday - A-ha! Breakthrough day. I was tired and starving after my Weight Watchers meeting after work but I knew, because of upcoming plans that if I wanted to get my four days in I had to run tonight. So, onto the evil, "I will suck your will to live", treadmill. I know some people have no problems with treadmills. I, however, loathe them. I would rather run outside in cold, pokey rain and dark then be on the treadmill but it was getting late and I am not real keen on the late night outside runs. Surprise, surprise....it felt great. The pace was slow but I plodded through my three miles without feeling so dang tired like I have been. Why did this feel so much better then most of my runs lately? Pace. I slowed down. I think my problem has been going out too fast and then getting fatigued. We'll see how this theory plays out.
Thursday - An invigorating yet relaxing yoga class. I am getting good stretches but am also walking away feeling.......I guess the word would be "cleansed". Plus, I get to see my dear friend Liane every week since she is taking the class too. Bonus!
Saturday - I had a five miler on tap but woke up too late before I had to get out the door for the Enumclaw Chocolate and Wine festival. I told myself that I would get on the treadmill when I got home. The day ended up being much longer than I anticipated and when I walked through the door at midnight I was in no mood for getting on the treadmill. Where this turns good is that I got out the door and ran my five miles today and felt strong and good the entire time. Again, the secret was pace. I started to feel really strong and felt my pace kicking up and when I noticed this I forced myself to reign it in. Longest run since September. I might have my running mojo back.
Sunday - Three miles of suck around the neighborhood. At this point I still think it is a fueling issue.
Tuesday - Three more miles of suck at the lake. Why is this so hard lately? Arrggh!
Wednesday - A-ha! Breakthrough day. I was tired and starving after my Weight Watchers meeting after work but I knew, because of upcoming plans that if I wanted to get my four days in I had to run tonight. So, onto the evil, "I will suck your will to live", treadmill. I know some people have no problems with treadmills. I, however, loathe them. I would rather run outside in cold, pokey rain and dark then be on the treadmill but it was getting late and I am not real keen on the late night outside runs. Surprise, surprise....it felt great. The pace was slow but I plodded through my three miles without feeling so dang tired like I have been. Why did this feel so much better then most of my runs lately? Pace. I slowed down. I think my problem has been going out too fast and then getting fatigued. We'll see how this theory plays out.
Thursday - An invigorating yet relaxing yoga class. I am getting good stretches but am also walking away feeling.......I guess the word would be "cleansed". Plus, I get to see my dear friend Liane every week since she is taking the class too. Bonus!
Saturday - I had a five miler on tap but woke up too late before I had to get out the door for the Enumclaw Chocolate and Wine festival. I told myself that I would get on the treadmill when I got home. The day ended up being much longer than I anticipated and when I walked through the door at midnight I was in no mood for getting on the treadmill. Where this turns good is that I got out the door and ran my five miles today and felt strong and good the entire time. Again, the secret was pace. I started to feel really strong and felt my pace kicking up and when I noticed this I forced myself to reign it in. Longest run since September. I might have my running mojo back.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Mysterious Ways Indeed
While doing laundry the other day I noticed what appeared to be a Ticketmaster ticket stub that had gone through the laundry. It was in a tight little clump and had been fused together so I couldn't see what event it was for. I was disappointed because I still save ticket stubs and I figured this was one Kevin or I had lost for good. Oh well, no big loss.
Cut to this morning when I see another two clumps come out of the dryer. This time I can read a little of what is on the tickets. I can make out "Qwest" and "June 20". Oh no! Those weren't tickets to a past event at all, those were my much coveted, I finally get to see them after all these years, I am so excited, tickets to see U2. At Qwest field. On June 20. Son of a bitch.
How the hell can tickets for an event six months in the future end up in tiny clumps in our washing machine? Last I saw them they were sitting on Kevin's office desk. Do you think Ticketmaster can or will replace those tickets? Do you think we are screwed? Am I destined to never see U2 in person?
Cut to this morning when I see another two clumps come out of the dryer. This time I can read a little of what is on the tickets. I can make out "Qwest" and "June 20". Oh no! Those weren't tickets to a past event at all, those were my much coveted, I finally get to see them after all these years, I am so excited, tickets to see U2. At Qwest field. On June 20. Son of a bitch.
How the hell can tickets for an event six months in the future end up in tiny clumps in our washing machine? Last I saw them they were sitting on Kevin's office desk. Do you think Ticketmaster can or will replace those tickets? Do you think we are screwed? Am I destined to never see U2 in person?
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